


The Arrangement

by radhaj



Category: L'Arc~en~Ciel
Genre: Angst, M/M, Male Slash, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-10
Updated: 2010-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-11 15:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radhaj/pseuds/radhaj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The concept of "friends with benefits" does work. But only while it stays being strictly just that... on both sides.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Hyde slips the key back to his pocket and steps into the apartment, it is dark and quiet. He did not expect to find it this way as its resident is normally awake far past this hour, but he shrugs it off as he takes off his shoes and tiptoes, barefooted, the familiar path towards the bedroom. The doors are casually open and he sees who he came to see through them even before he actually enters the room, though all that he can actually make out of the person is a lump under the blankets on the wide and comfortable looking bed.

Hyde does not bother with being quiet as he knows that the one he came to visit is a very heavy sleeper and he intends to wake him anyway. But something stops him from doing it immediately and he stands in a nearby spot of the room from which the sleeper's face is visible and looks at it silently for a while. It's not often that he sees this man asleep.

But not more than a few seconds pass before the face scrunches up as if the person is about to wake up and, sure enough, the eyes soon slowly slide open, focusing sleepily on the uninvited guest. Hyde inwardly smiles: as likely as Tetsu is to sleep through an earthquake, he seems to have developed a sixth sense that helps him wake up whenever he's needed by someone else.

"Hi," the bassist whispers sleepily, not at all surprised to see the vocalist inside his bedroom, standing and watching over him in the middle of the night. With slight variations this had happened more times than anyone could count after all.

"Hi," Hyde answers and crouches down a little, so he can brush his hand down the younger man's cheek, which is noticably heated from sleep, "Are you too tired?" It's a valid question, since it's so unusual for him to find the other actually in bed and sleeping. He has to know if he's not welcomed.

"Just taking advantage of a free evening," Tetsu explains, blinking away his sleepiness, "It's okay."

That's all that Hyde needs to hear before leaning in and capturing the soft lips before him in a gentle kiss, not hurrying the bassist and gradually helping him escape the clutches of sleep and enter a much more pleasant alternative, namely his embrace. The vocalist blindly uses one hand to throw the blankets to the side, exposing the slightly bigger man to the cool air of the room but quickly replaces it with his own body when he lies on top of the bassist, carefully attempting to deepen the kiss.

Tetsu does not resist the tender seduction. He opens his mouth and before long Hyde is exploring the familiar cavern with his tongue and enjoying its wet warmth. Still battling with sleep, the bassist is a little slow in responding at first but quickly catches on and is twining his fingers into the vocalist's hair, keeping his head in place as he starts to participate in the kiss with an equal passion, moving his tongue back against the singer's until the need of air becomes too much and they break the kiss to replenish their reserves, looking into each other's burning eyes for a few seconds. But soon, Hyde is moving again, only his lips descend on Tetsu's jawline now, kissing a tingling path down the bassist's neck. He might have woken up the mouth, but there is still a whole body waiting for his caresses to bring it up to speed and Hyde begins with the task with pleasure.

He hurriedly makes away with Tetsu's pajama top, throwing it aside without a though of where it would land and then places a sweet kiss on his lover's lips before slowly continuing downwards. Their arrangement might be purely physical and just meant for sexual fulfillment, but it does not mean there is no time or place in it for gestures of appreciation. After all, the vocalist does appreciate what his bandleader gives to him - the way he gives up his body to him.

And Hyde always takes good care of it, just like he is doing right now. His lips bestow soft wet kisses and licks all over the bassist's toned upper body, making sure to pay special attention to every sensitive pleasure spot that Tetsu has, having discovered them all over the years. His hands caress the younger man's sides at the same time, and then they rise, his fingers expertly starting to play with the nipples, pinching and rubbing them in a way that soon has Tetsu arching his back in pleasure and makes him unable to stop a strangled moan from leaving his throat. Hyde smirks against the skin that is beginning to flush in arousal, signaling that Hyde is more than successful in waking up the bassist. This is how he likes it the most - when his friend just lets go and allows himself to make these wonderful sounds that Hyde enjoys almost as much as sex itself. Detaching his lips momentarily from the body beneath them, Hyde stretches out upwards, whispering against his lover's ear:

"Do you like this?"

The question is accompanied with an even harder pinch on the bassist's nipples, making the normally quiet leader cry out even louder.

"Oh God, yes," is the answer that follows and Hyde smiles even wider when he sees the blush that comes over Tetsu's face immediately after. It amuses him that the bassist retains his innocence and ability to be easily embarrassed no matter how many times they do this.

Impishly he brushes his hands lower while he shifts back down, licks over one of the nipples and then blows cool air over the sensitive nub. The bassist trembles at the sensation and then again when Hyde repeats the action on the other side, all the while tantalizingly brushing his fingers over the waistband of Tetsu's pajama bottoms.

"Hyde, please, oh damn, just..." Tetsu is obviously not thinking about what he is gasping out since his mind is mostly occupied by the sensations attacking his body, but Hyde doesn't let it slip past him and he delves further.

"Please what?"

The younger man's face scrunches up as he tries to figure out an answer that would not be too embarrassing to say. But Hyde does not help him concentrate as his hands progress even lower, brushing over the younger man's hips.

"Please, don't tease so much," the bassist settles on finally, struggling to look at the vocalist in an attempt to channel with his eyes what his mouth refuses to say out loud and Hyde takes pity on him, raising his hands back to pull down Tetsu's pants and smiling when he sees that the other man had been sleeping with no underwear.

Finished with undressing his lover and raking his eyes over the gorgeous body for a few moments, the singer briefly stands up to impatiently remove his own clothes. Quickly, his shirt and then his pants join the bassist's on the floor and the singer returns onto the bed. Tetsu's hands guide him to lie down upon him, aligning their bodies perfectly and they both suck in a pleasured breath when bare skin touches bare skin. The bassist lifts his head to initiate another kiss and Hyde plays along, sucking the breath directly out of the younger man's lungs as he deepens the kiss and moves his body against the one beneath his, rubbing his own proud erection over Tetsu's still only half-hard member, which reminds him that the bassist might yet need some extra persuasion to get into this completely after being woken from sleep.

Fortunately, the singer is all too happy to oblige. He shushes the bassist's breathless complaint when he breaks their kiss and caresses a path downwards with his lips and fingers until his head is in level with Tetsu's crotch and he smirks when he both sees and hears the younger start to pant more quickly in anticipation as he realizes the smaller man's intentions. Smiling slyly, Hyde looks up to meet the bassist's hazy and half closed in pleasure eyes and descends downwards, bestowing a languid lick on Tetsu's partly flaccid cock, instantly feeling it twitch in definite interest. Not breaking the connection of their gazes, he brings one of his hands to caress his lover's testicles as he licks around the head and then teases at the slit with the tip of his tongue.

Tetsu is holding his breath and his hands tremble at his sides with strain as he resists the desire to physically make the vocalist hurry up while he worries his bottom lip between his teeth in a futile attempt to prevent moans and other sounds of enjoyment from escaping his mouth. Futile because the next second the singer opens his mouth wider and suddenly goes down on the bassist, making him gasp and moan at the same time:

"Hyde, oh yes, mo...re... Oh God!"

The singer feels the cock in his mouth noticeably harden and moans at the sensation himself, diving even further down and deepthroating the other. He sucks and moves his tongue around the arousal, urging out even more deliciously sexy sounds from the bassist who has lost all reason by now and just abandoned himself to the addicting tightness of the singer's throat around him. He digs his fingers senselessly into the bed and, when it all becomes too much and he is no longer able to stop himself, he thrusts his hips a little upwards, seeking out even more pleasure, more wetness, more hotness, more **everything**.

Hyde lets his friend do as he wishes, his hand massaging Tetsu's balls at the same time until he feels that the bassist might be ready and raises his mouth off the now hard and pulsing length.

"Lube, Tetchan," he said, ignoring the strangled sound the other makes at the loss of the singer's mouth on his cock. It is not that the vocalist doesn't know where he can find lube in Tetsu's room. It is just far more practical of him to ask Tetsu since, as soon as he is able to comprehend the request, the bassist only needs to reach out his hand to the side to open the drawer of the bedside table, find the tube inside it and throw it to Hyde who, thankfully, catches the absentmindedly thrown item without any problems and wastes no time before uncapping it. The singer quickly squeezes a generous amount of the lube onto his fingers and spreads it over them. He looks at the bassist who is still trying to regain control of himself after the pleasure he received before and snakes his hand between the other's slightly parted legs to touch his opening with his slick fingertips, making Tetsu's toes curl in on themselves when he feels the slight coolness.

"Can I go on?" the vocalist asks and Tetsu nods fiercely without a moment's hesitation, his legs parting automatically and bending at the knees to give the singer better access, something that Hyde takes advantage without further delay, pushing one of his fingers inside, meeting little resistance. Tetsu has his eyes closed, but does not wince at all at this first intrusion and just nods slightly, encouraging the singer to proceed. Hyde pushes the second finger in a little more slowly, feeling the muscles tense up around his fingers a few times and he bends down again, placing the head of Tetsu's cock back inside his mouth and moving his tongue against it to distract the bassist and help him relax.

It works like a charm and he soon works in the third finger inside the younger man's body without any problem and then moves all three of them slowly but insistently forward, spreading them to prepare his lover for something much bigger, not wanting to cause any pain when he entered the lovely heat with his cock, now aching between his legs at the thought, instead of just his fingers.

With a wet slurping sound he lets Tetsu's hardness slip out of his mouth again and removes his fingers from his opening at the same time. The bassist whimpers, but just inches his legs further apart, knowing very well what to expect now and opening his eyes again to look at the vocalist, who is now looking around for the lube again.

Hyde is well aware of the younger man's eyes on him when he finally locates the object he was looking for and he continues on, sliding his hand sensuously over his own cock as he slicks it up. He moans, as much for the bassist whose full attention he has as because of his own pleasure, and he meets the other man's eyes, smiling at the blush that spreads over Tetsu's face as he witnesses the shameless display. The bassist's hands twitch at his sides and Hyde knows it is from fighting his own need to touch himself.

"God, I can't wait to get myself inside you," the singer groans out, as he roams his eyes over his friend's body, waiting so eagerly and embarrassedly for him. It is simply perfect how his every muscle is tense with need and every centimeter of his body glisters with sweat and the flush of arousal and yet the bassist is too shy to actually do anything about it. It makes it so much more enjoyable to tease and embarrass him even more.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard," Hyde talks, shifting forward and raising Tetsu's legs over his shoulders as he slowly moves into position, managing to grab a pillow to push under Tetsu's lower back to make them both more comfortable. "And you're going to beg for more," he makes sure to slide his cock between the bassist's buttocks, rubbing it above the twitching opening and hissing at the pleasurable contact himself, seeing Tetsu's eyes try to blink away the dizziness that came from too much blushing and the almost painful arousal they both were feeling. "You'll beg me to fuck you faster," he finishes and with that, he pushes forward, finally breaching the ring of muscles that he'd loosened before with his fingers.

But it is still so impossibly tight around his cock, gripping it with the most heavenly of strengths. Tetsu's breath hitches when Hyde penetrates him, but it is in pleasure as well, the wonderful sensation of being filled winning out over any pain he might be feeling. Hyde has no restraint, no presence of mind and, most importantly, no need to hold back and as soon as he has buried himself deep inside, he is withdrawing again and then slamming back in with double the ardor. Tetsu can barely hold on when the singer pounds inside of him, giving him as much pleasure as he is getting himself when he finds the bassist's prostate and makes him see stars with every following thrust.

The singer knows he won't last too long, as he'd been already far too ready for this even before he'd stepped into the leader's apartment, the long foreplay only having served to stretch his limits even thinner. Feeling himself moving steadily towards his finish, he removes one of his hands from where it is gripping Tetsu's hip and takes one the bassist's own hands, guiding it sneakily towards the bassist's arousal and wrapping it's fingers around it.

"Moan for me, Tetsu, just let it go," he says, as he starts moving both of their hands up and down the hard length, seeing the younger man trying to stop himself from making any noise by biting on his lip, "I want to hear you, I want you to scream my name," he whispers in a tad frantic voice.

The triple assault of Hyde pounding inside his body, his cock being stroked and the singer's words does Tetsu in and he **does** let go. He moans, finally starting to move his hand on his own and even speeding it up. His voice only becomes louder with every succeeding thrust and the words come out his mouth in a kind of mantra:

"Hyde... Hyde, please... More! Harder! Oh God, Hyde, HYDE!"

With that last, almost primal shout Tetsu comes and releases his seed onto their joined hands on his cock and his own stomach, clamping down violently on Hyde who struggles to drive in the last few times before he follows the bassist to his climax, filling him with his cum and letting a guttural sound tear from his own throat before he collapses strengthlessly on his side next to the bassist, both of them gasping for breath as they bathe in their afterglow.

Minutes pass in relative silence while they recover and finally Tetsu is moving, curling himself loosely around the singer, who gathers him briefly into his embrace, tiredly leaving his eyes closed. That is, before the unexpected preposition comes.

"Stay," Tetsu whispers near his ear and Hyde opens his eyes to see the bassist looking at him with a strange emotion in his eyes that Hyde takes for concern.

"Don't worry, I'm not **that** tired," he smiles reassuringly, "I'll be able drive home. There's no need for you to bother with getting the guest room ready."

Something flickers in Tetsu's eyes again, but Hyde is not able to catch it before it is gone and he casually continues.

"I **will** use the guest room shower though, if you don't mind," he says, placing a kiss on Tetsu's nose before getting up and, just as he always does after these meetings of theirs, adds, "Thanks, Tetchan."

He grabs his clothes on the way out and leaves without looking backwards thus not seeing how Tetsu, instead of going to take shower himself, just curls up into a small ball of misery on his bed and lets his tears soak into the sheets one by one.

  



	2. Chapter 2

Tetsu groaned both in relief and to release some of the frustration he felt when he closed the door behind him after returning home. It had been a long day of haggling with sponsors and convincing them that L'Arc~en~Ciel still had it in them to entice more fans and would be certainly worth the money any of the conceitedly skeptical men would invest. In a rare turn of events, he had the companionship of Hyde in today's meetings and the vocalist helped him by adding his own insight  and ability to charm to his hard facts and concrete examples. It helped the day become more bearable, but he still felt almost dirty for selling his band and his music so blatantly for profit.

And talking about Hyde and feeling dirty...

Tetsu shook his head. His thoughts returned to the same matter at every single opportunity it got, which was quite a lot, but he had promised to himself not to torture himself with thoughts about it anymore.

Only of course, it was not that easy. The issue ate at his heart as rust ate through metal and not thinking about it was just as painful as thinking about it. Feeling frustration return to him for a different reason now, Tetsu threw his bag to the side and dragged himself towards the bathroom. A shower sounded blissful right about now. But even the pleasant stream of warm water over his body did not distract him from the thoughts that plagued him so hurtfully.

It all started simple enough, almost naturally, it seemed to him at the time. After all the long tours of a rock band could be very sexually trying at times, for all its members. They dismissed the idea of actually getting involved with groupies, none of them at all comfortable with the idea, which left them all to find their own ways of finding some relief.

Ken found it by slipping out to bars and parties whenever he got the chance and hooking up with a different girl in every different city, earning himself the well deserved title of a womanizer. It wasn't hard for the guitarist to slip into the role as he'd always been very quick on getting girls and never able to stay with one for long before moving on to another.

Yukki, perhaps, had it the most difficult of them all. He was always the only one of them to be in an actual stable relationship that he was far too devoted to to even consider finding someone else just for relief. His girlfriend (or rather girlfriends as they had changed afew times over the years that Tetsu knew the drummer) usually found time to catch up with them in every other stop of the tour, but Tetsu could imagine that it was hardly often enough.

In comparison, he and Hyde found an easy solution. Since neither of them had any objections about being with a man and Hyde had no qualms about cheating in his marriage of convenience, the comfortable attraction they felt towards one another brought them together for nights of commitment-free sex. Predictably, Hyde was the one who first suggested it, but Tetsu was in no way a stranger to the concept and did not think twice before surrendering his body for their mutual pleasure. It was just two friends helping each other out and it worked well enough for them to bring it out beyond the boundaries of tours and they were soon seeking out each other's company whenever they felt a need for it.

It was just about getting some relief, about getting a casual fuck with no strings attached and they were good enough friends for it to go well. But it soon began going **too** well - at least for Tetsu.

He didn't know when he first started feeling something more than just lust and friendship towards his vocalist. He did not even remember when he first noticed it and began the useless process of denying it. And he had no need to remember just how long it had been since he first admitted to himself that he had gradually but surely fallen in love with Hyde. All he knew that it had now been long enough for him to start feeling bitter and resentful about the arrangement, long enough for him to start hating the way the singer just casually thanked him after their every encounter before leaving him to lie cold and alone, never staying longer than he absolutely had to.

He knew he should stop it. Only with as many years as it had been going on already, he no longer knew how to do that. And as much as their non-relationship was killing him, he knew he'd much rather have as little as this than nothing at all. At least now, when Hyde kissed him, he could delude himself for a moment that he felt love in the way the singers lips moved against his and his tongue explored his mouth. He could imagine that Hyde gazed at him with adoration and not just lust. And when the singer fucked him against the nearest flat surface, the bassist could sometimes lie to himself that they were making love.

And that was the only thing that made him keep going. His fantasies more than the cruel reality were what made his body start reacting to his thoughts and, fightlessly giving in to the needs of his body, the bassist leaned back against the tiled wall of the bathroom as the water continued running over his body and wrapped his hand around his own arousal, starting to pump himself with a well practiced hand to the thought of things that would never happen and words that he'd never hear, abandoning himself to the world in his mind completely.

But not more than a few strokes in he was violently brought back to reality by the sound of the door to the shower sliding open and his eyes shot open to see that Hyde was now standing in front of him, smirking at having caught him in the act.

"Now this is a wonderful sight to be welcomed with," the singer purred, staring unabashedly at the hand that Tetsu still had wrapped around himself. The vocalist was nude too, having obviously shed his clothes before entering the shower. The younger man had been, of course, far too distracted to hear him and Tetsu cursed himself, not for the first time, for giving the singer the key to his apartment. But at the same time he could not bring himself to truly regret giving the older man this complete access to himself. It had been an obvious extension of their agreement, after all.

"By all means, don't let me stop you," Hyde continued in the meantime, making no move to get closer and just closing the shower door behind himself to keep the water in before getting in a comfortable position for the show he expected to get. Tetsu just sighed inwardly and closed his eyes again, pushing past the embarrassment to start moving his hand again despite the invasive gaze he could feel on him.

This happened too, sometimes, when the singer seemed to be satisfied just by bringing the **bassist** pleasure, giving him head backstage, or fingering him against the door of a bathroom stall. Other times, he'd guide Tetsu to wank him off in the recording studio's storage room, making no move to get the younger man off after. Fleeting encounters like that made up their twisted relationship and Tetsu had learned to expect them and submit to them without another thought or even considering protesting.

He did not even startle when Hyde finally made a move and stole a deep kiss from his lips while his hands started groping at his ass, spreading his cheeks before rubbing his fingers teasingly over his hole, dipping just the tip of his finger teasingly past the tight ring a few times before sheathing it completely between Tetsu's twitching walls. The bassist groaned into the singer's mouth, the sound swallowed hungrily by the other man. His hand wavered in its pace on his cock a little when he felt another finger slip inside of him, both digits then wiggling deeper until they brushed against something that made him suddenly break the kiss and gasp desperately at the overwhelming pleasure.

Hyde rightfully took that as a sign that he had found what he'd been looking for and started moving his fingers in and out of the bassist, each time pushing against the same spot, fucking the younger man with his fingers at the same rhythm that his friend was moving his own hand. It was a double onslaught of sensations that never failed to push Tetsu towards orgasm in a blinding  pace and he came with a shudder and a loud sob, clenching around Hyde's fingers with a force that made the older man gasp as well and wait for a while before even attempting to remove them from inside the spasming bassist.

When he finally did withdraw them, Tetsu was still shaking from his release and barely reacted when Hyde nibbled at his ear before stepping away. But the sound of the shower door sliding open again woke him up from his daze with a start when he realized that Hyde was already satisfied and  fully intending to leave. He was overwhelmed with a need to keep the singer here for at least a little bit longer but he knew from painful experience that his invitations to stay would be (unintentionaly) cruelly laughed off and ignored.

Desperate, he absentmindedly turned the water off and followed the vocalist out, ignoring the way they both were dripping all over the floor and just pushed his slightly surprised friend backwards out of the bathroom and into his room until the smaller man was forced to sit down on the bed. A little amused, Hyde opened his mouth to ask Tetsu what he was intending to do, but the bassist answered him by slipping to his knees in front of him before the first word could leave the singer's mouth.

Ignoring how unforgivingly hard the floor was under his knees, he waited until Hyde separated his legs to give him access and then leaned in to swallow the vocalist's sizable erection, starting to suck at it almost aggressively, instantly forcing a pleasured groan out of the sitting man's throat.

After all, he still had **this** way of making Hyde stay a little longer if everything else was doomed to fail.

Tetsu wondered when he'd find the strength to stop being so damn pathetic. As he let Hyde push himself even deeper down his throat, he promised himself it would be some time soon.

He could not keep living like this for much longer.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I want to end it."

It was five days later and Tetsu was pushing Hyde surprisingly decidedly and somberly away when the singer attempted to kiss him in the empty parking lot near their studio. The older man froze and looked at him with a quizzical expression on his face.

"Why? Did you get a girlfriend? We can stop for a while again then," he said smiling after a silent moment, assuming it was just what had happened a couple of times before, but Tetsu was shaking his head before the singer even finished the sentence.

"No girlfriend. I just don't want to do this anymore," the bassist insisted, not letting himself chicken out now that the hardest part - broaching the subject - was over. His heart was beating painfully hard against his ribcage.

"Why?" Hyde asked again and Tetsu fancied himself hearing a note of disappointment in his voice before shrugging it off. Of course Hyde would be disappointed - he was about to lose a very convenient fuck buddy.

"I just don't," he said evasively, turning his gaze away, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll find someone else," he smiled bitterly.  It was the truth after all. With his looks, Hyde could easily get whomever he could wish, man or woman. Nodding his head in a hurried goodbye, he turned and left the still slightly confused man to stand in the same place while he sat into his car to drive away.

He had no illusions his feelings would be anywhere as easy to leave behind.

What Tetsu did not expect was to feel so relieved after finally breaking the arrangement. He was sure he'd feel horrible and that he'd probably cry himself to sleep for the next few days if not weeks, but none of that happened. He felt strangely numb and unbothered, ready to settle into his normal routine without a slightest glitch.

He had not realized at the time that it was only because his heart had died the instant he turned his back on the man he loved and buried his hope to ever receive the same feelings in return.


	3. Chapter 3

For Hyde, today had started out deceptively normal. The rehearsal went with no more than a few minor hitches that none of them gave a second thought. Sorting those out was why they had rehearsals in the first place after all. Looking back on it later, Hyde thought that Tetsu might have been a cause of more of those mistakes than average, but it was probably just him trying to find something unusual in the bassist's behavior that could have warned him of Tetsu's abrupt decision to end their relationship later in the day.

Well, to be fair it was actually more of a non-relationship, but it was still something that they had going between the two of them for years already and Hyde had come to rely on it it somewhat. He came to expect it to always be there when he didn't find anyone else for the night but still needed a release. Actually, lately, he would not even **bother** to look for anyone because he always knew that he could just go to Tetsu when he wanted to. It was comfortable and it was convenient for both of them and Hyde liked how it hadn't been something complicated or something that he'd have to think about much.

But nonetheless, it had been Tetsu's decision to end it and Hyde tried to respect it and shrug it off. Coincidentally, he was helped out rather nicely by Ken who happened to enter the parking lot almost immediately after Tetsu drove away and, seeing him standing alone with a slightly lost expression on his face, invited the singer to go to his favorite club with him. Thinking it would be the perfect place to find a replacement to fill his suddenly lonely evening, Hyde readily agreed.

It was easy to understand why Ken liked the place. It was dark, and anonymous and he could flirt and dance without much worry about being discovered for who he was. He had no trouble quickly finding a girl that he kind of liked and that seemed to be open to a possibility of a one night fling. But the time to make the preposition came and passed and instead of pursuing the matter further, Hyde found himself just excusing himself and going to sit at one of the abandoned tables in a secluded corner of the club. Something suddenly felt very wrong about all of this and though he had been completely ready to follow his bandleader home that evening, he suddenly found that sex was the last thing on his mind tonight.

"This is probably the third time in the three months that I've been frequenting this club that I saw somebody actually** sitting** beside one of these tables," Hyde heard the familiar drawl of his bandmate and looked up to see that the guitarist was now standing right beside him, his approach having been concealed by the loud music. "What's got you so gloomy?"

"I'm not gloomy," the singer denied automatically and was not surprised at the skeptical look that earned him.

"Riiight," Ken said sarcastically and sat on a nearby chair so they wouldn't have to shout as loud to hear each other. "What happened, midget?" he asked turning concerned, showing the caring and understanding side of himself that Hyde knew few people ever saw in the normally dorky and rough guy. Maybe that's why the words rolled off his tongue without him even thinking them through:

"Tetsu ended it today."

There was no need to specify what "it" was - the guitarist understood perfectly and leaned back in his chair in surprise.

"Why?"

"He didn't say," Hyde immediately regretted mentioning it and tried to dismiss it now. It wasn't that big of a deal after all, right? Whatever was bothering him tonight probably had nothing to do with it.

"Well there's always some kind of reason," Ken spoke in the meantime without missing a beat. "Like how my relationships end because, I quote, "I can't keep my dick in my pants when I see another skirt billow by," and how Yukki's relationships end because he just gets so wrapped up in his music every once in a while and..."

"But what I and Tetsu had was not really a relationship. At least not one like that," the small man argued and got himself another skeptical look from the other.

"Really?" the tall man drawled out and Hyde frowned.

"Yes, really," there had never been any reason to consider otherwise. It had probably even been in the unwritten rules of their arrangement.

"Maybe that's the problem?" Ken asked and elaborated when Hyde just frowned more, "Your outlook on his, I mean. You can't keep casually screwing with somebody for eight years and avoid any feelings from developing because of that. Maybe Tetsu just finally realized it? Maybe **he** no longer felt about it the way you do?"

Hyde shook his head in disbelief at the possibility.

"He never... It wouldn't make sense. We've always agreed to keep it not serious and he never mentioned anything or showed it in any way," he said, though a traitorous part of his mind asked him why **he** was so bothered by this if he really did not care. Ken seemed equally as unconvinced as that part of the singer's mind.

"If you say so. But I think you need to do some soul searching for yourself, my dear midget."

And with those last words of wisdom and a ruffle of Hyde's hair, Ken stood up and disappeared back into the chaos of dancing people.  
_  
Maybe he no longer felt about it the way you do?_

Annoyed, Hyde discarded the possibility. If it had been the case, Tetsu would not have been able to end it all so easily. And the bassist did not seem to waver at all today when he so calmly stated he wanted out of whatever it was they had between them.

In fact, Hyde found absolutely **no** evidence that would make him change his mind about it in the next few days. Tetsu acted as if nothing at all happened and just went on with his duties as per usual.

The singer, on the other hand, urged on by Ken's words, found himself making discoveries about himself that he did not expect to make.

He realized he felt no wish at all to go out and find someone to take Tetsu's place.

He noticed just how often he thought about the other man and how many of those thoughts just made him wince now when he remembered that he was back to being friends **without** benefits with Tetsu.

He caught himself thinking about things he had no reason to think about before, like just why exactly did he watch Tetsu's sleeping face that night if it had all been only sex to him? And why **he**, somebody whose interest in things would normally wane just barely less quickly than Ken's did, had been able to keep up that arrangement with his band leader for so long without getting bored?

He found out that he'd feel an agonizingly painful pang somewhere in the vicinity of his heart every time he remembered Tetsu's easy dismissal of the last few years or thought about how he'd never have the opportunity to hold the younger man in his arms again.

He found himself admitting the hurtful and awfully late truth, that sometime in the last eight years he must have fallen in love with his friend and did not even realize it.

A few days later, he also found a key still hanging casually off his key ring.

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When Hyde entered the familiar apartment, his heart was beating rather fast as he knew he did not really have the right to do this anymore even though Tetsu **had** forgotten to take back the key. But the singer still continued further inside, towards the light he saw turned on in the living room.

The bassist was sleeping on the black leather couch, in a slightly uncomfortable looking position. He had obviously fallen asleep while working, if one could make conclusions from the papers that were scattered all around him. Hyde walked around the piece of furniture so he could see his ex-lover's face, knelt beside him and let himself just watch him sleep once more. If this was his last opportunity to do so, he would make sure to fully take advantage of it.

However all too quickly, Tetsu felt the gaze through his dreams and was brought awake by it.

"Hi," Hyde whispered first this time when the bassist opened his eyes, trying to smile. But instead of answering in kind as he'd normally do, the bassist frowned and sat up.

"Hyde," he said coldly and the singer's smile slowly slid off his face, "What are you doing here?"

Silently, the vocalist put his key to Tetsu's apartment on the couch near the sitting bassist in a partial answer.

"I came to return you this," he said and looked at Tetsu as if expecting something significant to come of this.

"Thank you," was all that the bassist mumbled though, just as emotionlessly as before while he tiredly rubbed his eyes. Hyde wilted inside. He wondered if the bassist knew how painful the two words could be. But even as he was made sure about Tetsu's indifference there was one more thing that he'd come here for. And he did not want to leave before getting it no matter how unwelcome to the bassist his presence seemed to be.

"Did you tire of me?" he asked quietly but to the point. He needed to find out the reason, no matter what it was, so he could convince himself to give up on this and move on. But hearing the question, the bassist just looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Huh?"

"Is that the reason why you ended it?" Hyde did not even notice as anger at being hurt without an explanation began to creep into his voice, "Because I think I have a right to know. Especially if it's going to cost me not only the sex but your friendship as well."

"It didn't... Why would you think it would cause our friendship to end?" The bassist asked aghast, sounding scared of the possibility alone and Hyde tried to put his tone a little bit more under control.

"Because right now you act like you got visited by someone deeply unpleasant," Hyde said, accusation still evident in his voice, "The way you've greeted me is far from how someone greets a friend."

"But I ended it partly **because** I didn't want to lose our friendship!" Tetsu protested and Hyde was startled to see tears gathering in the bassist's eyes. "I did not... I'm sorry Hyde, I did not mean to act this way, I swear. But this was really hard for me and I-"

"Then why did you do it?" the older man asked again, prying for an answer relentlessly. The bassist looked away, keeping quiet as a tear slid down his cheek. Hyde felt a little subdued but did not give up. "Please, Tetsu. Answer me."

"Telling you could mean losing you completely," the younger whispered, "Leave it like this, Hyde."

"I need to know Tetsu. I promise not to be insulted or let it drive me away or whatever it is that you fear. Please, just tell me."

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Tetsu looked away. Why did Hyde have to do this? Why did he torment him like this? What **right** did he have to demand explanations and bring back the pain that Tetsu had so successfully locked out before? After all, wasn't Tetsu the one who suffered far worse because of this? Wasn't **he** the one whose heart had died from the sheer pain and the one who...

Who what? Was the bigger victim in this?

After all, Hyde had never promised him anything and it had been his own decision to end it. A decision that he had a right to make but also one that the other deserved to know the motivations of.

Tetsu gave in and braced himself for every horrible reaction possible as he opened his mouth to answer the singer's question.

"I-I invested too much of myself into it. I couldn't keep my heart out of it," he said, unable to stop more tears from rolling down his face. "I fell in love with you, Hyde, and I no longer wanted to be thanked as a cheap whore every time after you've taken me. I wanted more and I knew you wouldn't give it to me, so I chose a way that I hoped would be less painful."

There. It was over. He'd said it. Tetsu held his breath expecting a laugh or maybe a derisive comment, but moments passed and neither came. Instead he felt a hand gently cupping his cheek and forcing him to turn his head towards the singer. Hesitantly, Tetsu looked at the older man and was surprised to see the soft and sad expression on his beautiful face.

"Tetsu," the singer said, raising another hand to lovingly brush away the tears with his thumbs, "Tetchan, it's okay. Don't cry anymore, please."

"Don't pity me," the bassist pleaded, holding the other's gaze as even more tears rolled down his cheeks, "Don't think I can't deal with it. I'm okay with being friends, I really am, so don't..."

"Liar," the singer interrupted in a strangely kind voice and Tetsu stared at him, taken aback. "I know you lie Tetsu, because if you really love me even half as much as I love you then you will not be satisfied with just staying friends."

The bassist stilled for a second, his eyes widening as his mind tried to comprehend what Hyde just said.

"You?..."

"I love you too, yes," the vocalist repeated a happy smile appearing on his face as if he too was unable to believe the feeling was mutual, "Though I'm a little annoyed as well, because you should have had more faith in me and told me or at least hit me over the head," he added jokingly, "Maybe then my idiotic brain would have been quicker to realize my own feelings for you and we wouldn't have come so close to losing each other altogether."

"I never..." the bassist tried to speak, but was overwhelmed by more tears flooding into his eyes. Hyde quickly pulled him into his arms.

"Shhh, I understand. It doesn't matter anymore."

Tetsu did not know why he was still crying - maybe it was from relief or maybe they were tears of happiness. But he did not seem to be able to stop as he held on to the singer, trying to believe in the fact that Hyde didn't turn him down and that the singer actually loved him back.

"Don't ever thank me after sex again," he asked in a muffled voice, because for some reason that seemed very important at that moment.

"I'm not thinking of having sex with you now, Tetsu," Hyde whispered into the bassist's ear, "But I would very much like to make love to you."

Tetsu cried even harder. And those were **definitely** tears of happiness.

  



End file.
